Friday, May 13, 2011

Skills I am learning

Being a parent in today's world is a daunting job, besides kissing boo-boos, making sure they eat healthy food, getting them off to school on time,  to the doc for check-ups and shots that may or may not cause certain neurological issues... we also have to worry about a million other things, will they be bullied at school? Are they too sensitive? Are they learning at the proper pace? But what about all the other dangers? Child predators, car accidents, drowning, burns, falls, children bringing guns to school? I sometimes feel like a huge wave is washing over me when I let myself become immersed in these thoughts. At one point in my life I had severe anxiety, any time I would think about negative things they would take over and I would end up trying to calm my racing heart, beating at 180 bpm's, or end up in the emergency room. The thought of letting that happen with my children nearby is enough to make me turn my thoughts to brighter things. I choose to try and look towards the positive: marking their growth chart, hugging them, enjoying their wonder at seeing an amazing movie in 3-D, wiping the sweat from their face after a hot day outside, hoping that they will have a wonderful life and no real pain. I see these children that are going through chemotherapy, or having surgeries so young in life, they are still wearing a smile, still happy, working past their own discomfort, so much strength coming from their small bodies and love flowing from their hearts. Children, even with all the chaos are nothing but a joy! I am SO blessed to have my happy, quirky, healthy and energetic boys! Hey boys, Thanks for keeping me on my toes!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

for my mother

My mother has decided to go to Africa again this year, this will be her fifth trip there. She is sixty-eight and will be traveling alone. She will be staying with some African ministers and will be doing missionary work, some of which happens out in the bush. It's funny how she acts like she is just going on vacation or something. When she is in Africa she is very hard to reach, besides the fact that it is extremely expensive to call there, there is also the time zone issue. So for about three to four weeks, we barely hear from her (we being whomever she decides to call when she calls, then we pass on the news) It's strange to not be able to talk to someone when you want, you can almost imagine what it will be like when they are not living anymore and I would really miss her! I worry like crazy when she is gone, knowing how naive she can be and how her compassion may take her into a dangerous situation. I worry for my father who stays alone, is eighty and always loses about twenty pounds when she is gone, he really can't afford to lose much weight. I think the lure must be the freedom....she has no freedom from her family when she is home, grandchildren are always at her house, she is needed by everyone for some little thing. She is always running, always up late, always cleaning or catering to this person or that. I think Africa is a sort of vacation from her everyday life. This poem reminds me of my dear mother and I hope her trip this year is gratifying. Happy Mother's Day Mom!! XO
When You are Old
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look,
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars;
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And placed upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.